Waning Optimism

Before our journey with infertility started, I had a completely different understanding of pregnancy and how it works. I thought, you’re either pregnant, and you get to be happy and tell people and celebrate; or you’re not pregnant, and you have to wait. I feel like we’re in a very gray area somewhere in between right now.

I took a pregnancy test (okay, like five of them) more than three weeks ago. They were all positive. Blood tests confirmed that I’m pregnant. Two followup blood tests confirmed that my pregnancy hormones were continuing to rise. The first week we knew we were expecting, I had major bloating going on, which gave me reassurance that my progesterone levels were good and something was going on in there.

Since then, I’ve had a bit of fatigue here and there, and I’m moderately aware of my boobs. That’s it. I’m certainly not complaining that I’m not bloated or barfing every day… but where are all the symptoms? Why am I not nauseous? The smell of paint in the office this week did nothing to bother me. I’m pretty sure I’m not peeing any more than usual.

Of course I’ve read every article online that says just because a woman doesn’t have symptoms doesn’t mean she’s not producing the correct hormones to sustain a pregnancy. But at the same time… a little reassurance would be nice. That’s why I’m literally counting the hours until our first ultrasound later this week.


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